How to Pray for Your Wife When You Do Not Know What to Say

You love your wife. You want to pray for her. So you sit down and close your eyes, and the whole prayer is, "Lord, bless her. Amen." Then you open your eyes feeling like you tossed a coin into a fountain.

Sound familiar? Take heart. Plenty of good husbands stall right here. Think of what follows as a few notes on getting moving, written by men who are still learning too.

Why praying for your wife changes you first

Here's the surprise most men run into. When you pray for your wife on purpose, the first person to change is usually you.

Peter says it plainly to husbands: "live with your wives in an understanding way" (1 Peter 3:7, ESV). The same verse ends with a reason, "so that your prayers may not be hindered." You can read the whole passage at 1 Peter 3 on esv.org. How we treat our wives and how we pray are tied together.

Prayer turns your eyes toward her. Ask God about her week and you start noticing her week. Picture a man who prays, "Lord, help her with her mom's appointment on Thursday." By Thursday morning he's asking how she's feeling about it. That prayer didn't only move heaven. It moved him off the couch.

It also keeps your heart soft. It's hard to stay irritated at someone you just asked God to bless. Not impossible, I'll admit. Just harder.

One caution. Prayer isn't a place to file complaints about her, and it isn't a way to get God on your side of an argument. Pray for her the way you'd want her to pray for you, with love, honesty and no agenda.

Try this: Pray about one thing on her calendar this week, then ask her how it went.

Simple ways to start when words do not come

Drop the idea that you have to sound like a pastor. Paul wrote, "we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us" (Romans 8:26, ESV). Even the apostle admits he runs out of words. The Spirit steps in where we fall short, so you can quit worrying about being impressive.

Jesus said, "your Father knows what you need before you ask him" (Matthew 6:8, ESV). God isn't waiting on a perfect speech. He already knows your wife better than you do.

When your mind goes blank, start small:

• Say her name and one true thing. "Lord, I'm thinking about Sarah this morning. She seemed worn out last night." That's a real prayer.
• Use three short lines. Thank God for something about her. Ask Him for one thing she needs. Bless her out loud. Thirty seconds is plenty.
• Pray what you see. Her sleep, her health, her stress, her friendships, the kids, her walk with God. Don't hunt for the perfect topic.
• Write it down. A small notebook or a note on your phone works. Words on a page keep your mind from drifting.
• Ask her. "How can I pray for you this week?" Few questions do more good. Then pray about what she says, and follow up a few days later.

Want a bit more shape? The free Pray Like A Champion guide can help. And if the whole habit of daily prayer feels shaky, try our article on starting a daily prayer habit as a busy man.

Try this: Tonight, say one honest sentence. It beats a long prayer you never get around to.

Scriptures you can pray over her today

When your own words run thin, borrow God's. Praying Scripture is one of the simplest ways to know you're asking for things He cares about. Take a verse, read it slowly, and say it back to Him with her name in it.

A few to try. They're starting points, not magic formulas.

For her peace. Paul writes, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Philippians 4:6, ESV). You can read the passage at Philippians 4 on esv.org. Pray it like this: "Father, when she's anxious, remind her she can bring it all to You. Give her rest tonight."

For her love and wisdom. Paul prays "that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment" (Philippians 1:9, ESV). Pray: "Lord, let her love grow deeper, and give her wisdom for the decisions in front of her."

For God's blessing. In Numbers 6:24, the Lord gives these words for blessing His people: "The Lord bless you and keep you" (ESV). Speak the whole blessing over her at bedtime, or at the door before she leaves. It takes about fifteen seconds.

For strength in her inner life. In Ephesians 3:14 to 19, Paul prays for believers to be strengthened by the Spirit. Read it through and pray it for her in your own words: that she would know Christ's love and be filled with God's fullness.

For yourself as her husband. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (ESV). Ask Him to make you that kind of man. It's a big prayer, and He's glad to hear it.

Keep a short list of these verses on an index card in your Bible, or tape it to the bathroom mirror. Pick one a day for a week and see how your prayers start to grow.

Try this: Choose one verse tonight and pray it over her tomorrow morning.

Praying through conflict, stress and hard seasons

Some of the most useful prayers get prayed at the worst times. Nobody feels like praying for his wife in the middle of a fight. But that may be exactly when it matters most.

Before a hard conversation. Take a minute alone and pray, "Lord, help me listen. Show me my part in this." Then go looking for your part. Most of us find it faster than we'd like.

When you're angry. Don't pray a speech about what she did wrong. Tell God you're angry, ask Him to cool you down, and ask what He wants you to do next. James 1:19 says to be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (ESV), and prayer buys you a few seconds to practice that.

When stress is heavy. Picture a wife carrying work, kids, a sick parent and a full calendar. Pray for her, and then do something about it. Take a task off her list. Handle dinner. Give her an hour. Prayer and practical love belong together.

When the season is long. Grief. A hard pregnancy. A job loss, a health scare, a stretch of distance between you. You may not have words at all, and that's fine. Sit with her, pray short, and keep showing up. If your prayers feel like they hit the ceiling, read what to do when prayer feels like silence.

Some situations need more than prayer alone. If your wife or you are struggling with depression, addiction or thoughts of self harm, please talk to your pastor and a licensed professional. In the United States, if anyone is in crisis, call or text 988. If there's fear, threats or abuse in your home, don't handle it by yourself. Reach out to a pastor and a licensed professional who can help keep everyone safe. Ministries like Focus on the Family and The Gospel Coalition offer solid teaching on marriage, but they can't replace real people who sit in the room with you.

Prayer never promises a particular outcome. It places your marriage in God's hands and keeps you close to Him while He works.

Try this: Before your next hard conversation, pray first. Then follow the prayer with action.

Building a weekly rhythm of prayer for your marriage

Good intentions fade. A simple rhythm lasts. You don't need an hour a day. You need a pattern small enough to keep when life gets loud.

Here's one way to set up a week. Bend it to fit your schedule.

1. Monday: Thank. Name three things you're grateful for about her. Say them to God, and tell her one of them.
2. Tuesday: Her health and rest. Pray for her body, her sleep and her energy.
3. Wednesday: Her heart. Ask God about her worries, her friendships and her joy.
4. Thursday: Her walk with God. Pray that she would know His love and hear His voice.
5. Friday: Your marriage. Pray for your communication, your trust, your time together and your finances.
6. Saturday: Pray together. Even a two minute prayer at the table or in bed. Keep it short and simple.
7. Sunday: Bless and reset. Read a short blessing over her, then ask what's coming next week and how you can help.

You'll miss days. Everybody does. Lamentations 3:22 and 23 says the Lord's compassions "are new every morning" (NKJV). So start again today, not Monday.

Find other men who pray, too. Husbands who pray alone can run dry. A weekly Men's Prayer Group is free and local, and it helps to sit with other husbands learning the same thing. If you want to understand the husband's role more fully, our article on leading your wife without controlling her pairs well with this one.

Lifeway Research often looks at how faith shows up in families and churches. Browse it for background if you like. The plan stays the same: pray, show up and love her well.

Want to build this habit alongside other men? Find your Launching Pad. It's a free, two day, in person event for Christian men, led by Super Bowl champion Steve Weatherford. Seats are limited. It's not a sales pitch. It's a room full of men who want to follow Jesus and love their families better.

You don't have to be good at this. You just have to start. Tonight, say her name to God. Then say one true thing.