This 15 Minute Meeting Could Save Your Marriage

I've had men come up to me, unfortunately, and say that their wife just told them she wants a divorce. "It's coming out of nowhere," they say. "I didn't even see it coming."

I can promise you this: the enemy is watching the mistakes that you made last week. He sees the blind spots, he sees the weakness, he sees the temptation, and he's ready to exploit it. But there is a way to protect your marriage, and it only takes 15 minutes a week.

The General's Tent

Think back to biblical days. Before going out to battle, the king would be in his tent with his generals and captains. They would talk about the opponent, the circumstances, the personnel, and the resources. Then, they would come up with a game plan.

I apply this same concept from my time in the NFL. We had a team meeting every Monday where we would review the game film. We looked at what we did well, but we spent even more time on our blind spots and lack of execution. We made adjustments because we knew the upcoming opponent was watching our film. In the NFL, if a team makes the same mistake two weeks in a row, there is "blood in the water."

The enemy is watching where you continue to make the same mistakes. A mistake is a mistake if you make it one time, but if you know you're making it, it's a decision.

How to Run the Meeting

Once a week, I bring my wife into a meeting, just the two of us, no kids around, with a notepad. I ask her, "How did the last week go?" I'm not just asking about my performance; I'm asking about her week. She shares what went well, and we figure out how to do more of that. Then, she shares her frustrations.

Because I ask, I get this information just a few days after it happens. I can immediately make adjustments so there's no blood in the water. We do this on Sundays. After church, we go into our bedroom, close the door, and review the game film from the week before. We discuss the calendar and expectations for the upcoming week, and I ask how I can best support her.

Values, Vitals, and Vision

After our 15 minute meeting, we are on the same page. Then, we hold a 20 minute family meeting where we cast vision for the next week. We cover three things:

• Values: What it means to be a part of our family.
• Vitals: How each individual family member is doing, using a rating system.
• Vision: What the next week or month looks like, so our kids are never surprised.

A woman's number one need is safety and security. Men understand financial security, but there is a difference between physical security and emotional security.

If you're constantly reviewing and improving yourself, you will never be so disconnected from your wife that she falls out of love with you. You'll get the constant feedback needed to make sure it never gets to that point. Champions make adjustments, not excuses.

Try it this week. Block 15 minutes, bring a notepad and ask one question: how did the last week go? That one meeting can provide emotional security and change your family legacy.