How to Pray With Your Children Without It Feeling Awkward

You pray alone just fine. But ask you to pray out loud with your kids and your mind goes blank, your voice stiffens, and it feels like a performance. So you say "Goodnight, buddy" and walk out of the room.

If that's you, you're not a bad father. You're a normal one. Praying with your kids is one of the simplest things you can do for them, and it gets a lot easier the minute you drop the idea that it has to sound impressive.

Why many fathers avoid praying out loud with their kids

Most men who skip family prayer aren't careless. They're afraid, and it usually comes down to three things:

• Sounding fake. Many of us never heard our own dads pray out loud, so we have no picture of what it looks like.
• Saying it wrong. We figure a good prayer needs good words, and we don't have any.
• Being seen. Your kids know you better than anyone. Praying in front of them means they watch you need God.

That last one is the point, actually. Your children don't need a father who looks like he has it all together. They need one who knows where to take what he can't handle.

God gave fathers a clear job here. In Deuteronomy 6:7 (ESV), He tells parents to talk about Him "when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Notice what that isn't. It isn't a church program. It's ordinary life, with God in the middle of it.

Start small and keep it short

The biggest mistake is starting too big. A man decides to launch nightly family devotions with a Bible reading, a discussion and a long prayer. By day four everyone is tired and annoyed. By day ten it's over.

Start with one minute. That's it.

Here's a pattern that works for most ages:

1. Say thank you. Thank God for one thing from today.
2. Ask for help. Ask God for one thing you or your child needs.
3. Pray for someone else. Name a grandparent, a friend, a teacher or a neighbor.

That's a complete prayer. You might say, "Lord, thank You for a good day at the park. Please help Maya feel brave at school tomorrow. Please be with Grandpa while he is sick. Amen."

Yes, you can keep it that plain. Jesus did. When His disciples asked, "Lord, teach us to pray" in Luke 11:1 (ESV), He gave them a short prayer, not a speech.

Say it out loud even if your voice feels odd the first few times. It passes. Awkward mostly means you're doing something new.

Simple patterns for mornings and bedtimes

Prayer sticks when it hangs on something you already do. You don't need a new time slot. You need a hook.

Bedtime prayer for kids. Start here. Your child is already calm and close. Try this order:

• Ask, "What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest?"
• Listen without fixing anything.
• Pray about both, in a sentence or two each.
• Put your hand on his shoulder or her head and say a blessing, such as "God, I thank You for my daughter. Keep her safe tonight. Amen."

Many children open up at bedtime in ways they never do at the dinner table. The prayer gives them a reason to be honest, and you may learn more about their heart in two minutes than you did all day.

Morning prayer. Mornings are rushed, so keep it to about thirty seconds. Pray at the breakfast table. Or in the car, or at the front door before school. One line will do: "Lord, be with my kids today. Help them be kind and brave. Amen." Then send them out.

The Lord's Prayer, one line at a time. Truly stuck on what to say? Borrow words from Jesus. In Matthew 6:9 (ESV) He says, "Pray then like this: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.'" Pray one line a night and talk about what it means. A younger child might ask what "daily bread" is, and suddenly you're in a conversation you never planned.

Pray on the go. You don't need a bed or a table. Pray in traffic. Pray before a ball game, or on the way to the doctor. Kids learn that prayer isn't a place you visit. It's a way you live.

What to do when the kids are bored

Sooner or later they'll fidget, giggle, roll their eyes or ask when it's over. That doesn't mean you're failing. It means you have kids.

A few practical ways to keep prayer alive without turning it into a battle:

• Shorten it. A thirty second prayer every night beats a five minute one that makes everyone dread it.
• Let them lead. Ask your child to pick what you thank God for. Younger kids love this. Give them the choice, then pray what they say.
• Don't pray at them. Don't turn prayer into a sneaky lecture, like "God, help Jake stop being lazy about his homework." Kids hear that right away, and they stop trusting the time. Pray for them, not about their faults.
• Use your hands. Holding hands or resting a hand on a shoulder gives restless kids something to hold on to.
• Be honest when you mess up. Picture a father who snapped at his son over a spilled drink at dinner. At bedtime he says, "I was too harsh tonight. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?" Then he prays for both of them. That one moment can teach more about grace than a year of perfect prayers.

When Jesus saw people keeping children away from Him, He said, "Let the little children come to me" (Matthew 19:14, ESV). Your kids aren't a distraction from prayer. They're exactly the people He wants close.

Older kids? Go even simpler. A teenager may not want a long bedside prayer, and that's fine. Try asking, "Is there anything I can pray for you about this week?" Then actually do it, and later say, "I prayed for that test." Teenagers notice when a father follows through.

If you want more ideas, Focus on the Family and The Gospel Coalition both offer plenty of parenting and family devotion material. And if you'd like teaching on how to read and apply Scripture with your family, you can Open the Bible Playbook.

How to keep the habit when life is busy

Starting is the easy part. Keeping it going through sports seasons, work deadlines, sickness and tired nights is the real test.

Tie it to something that already happens. Pray when the lights go off. Or when the seat belts click, or the plates hit the table. A habit with an anchor is much harder to forget.

Set a minimum. Decide on your smallest acceptable version. For many men it's one sentence. On a crazy night you can still pray, "God, thank You for my kids. Keep them safe. Amen." Done beats perfect.

Don't quit after a missed night. You'll miss some. Don't let one skipped night become a month. Pick it back up the next day, no guilt and no big announcement. God isn't keeping score against you.

Pray with your wife when you can. If you're married, agree on a rhythm together. She leads some nights and you lead others? Fine. Your kids see a united home.

Pray by phone when you travel. If work takes you away, call at bedtime and pray two sentences over the phone. Your kids will remember that you showed up, even from far away.

Keep your own prayer life alive. It's hard to lead your children in prayer if you never pray yourself. Even five quiet minutes of your own makes family time more natural. Our free Pray Like A Champion guide can help you start, and so can our weekly men's prayer groups, which are free and local.

You're not in this alone, either. Prayer isn't about your performance. It's about bringing your children to a Father who loves them even more than you do.

Want to grow as a father alongside other men doing the same? A Launching Pad is a good place to start. It's a free, in person event for Christian men that runs two days, and seats are limited. Find your Launching Pad.

This week, pick one time. Maybe tonight at bedtime. Walk into your child's room and pray one sentence out loud: a thank you, a request and a name. Then do it again tomorrow.